In The News

Here is what is in the news for today:

- In San Antonio, a man has been arrested after he made multiple phone calls to the police so that they can deliver him beer. Dumbass, you don't call the cops to deliver your beer, you call the EMS because if you're low on beer, technically it is an emergency. >

- In Thailand, police have arrested a security guard for the deaths of 8 workers because he hated people who took naps at work. Talk about irony. >

- In Atlanta, sheriffs have arrested a man on suspicion of selling LSD and chocolate bunnies laced with hallucinogenic mushrooms. Mmmmmmm chocolate bunnies laced with hallucinogenic mushrooms, sounds tasty. >

- In Texas, a skydiver has been found dead 2 days after jumping from a plane believing that he just went home. Well, now I know where not to sky dive since they probably would assume everyone who doesn't come back just left and went back 'home'. >

- In Florida, a man bitten by a poisonous snake for the 44th time claims it is the worst. No joke needed, it's already funny enough. >