In The News

Here is what is in the news for today:

- In Pennsylvania, a man suffered a massive heart attack and had to be brought back to life 12 times by an ambulance crew. There are only 11 words to describe this, that son-of-a-bitch just did not want to die. >

- In Arizona, a woman is sentenced to ten years in prison after she tied-up her lover and cut him so that she can drink his blood. DAMN! That's a freaky bitch. >

- You may have heard this one before (if you have been reading previous In The News posts), more bras have been stolen at a Victoria's Secrete store. Fortunately, shoppers will still be able to buy A, B, an C cup bras. >

- In Florida, George "Squeeze" Dallas Jr. is celebrating his 108th time being arrested after a decade long of crime. To celebrate his arrest he got a big dick covered in frosting, then he got ass fucked. >

- In China, a 106-year-old man has married a 81-year-old woman. I feel sorry for the woman, just imagine how bad she has it when they're "doing it". Ew. >