In The News

Here is what is in the news for today:

- In Tennessee, one lawn company is now having its female workers wear bikinis to help boost profits. When the females were asked how they felt, they said they were scared. This is mainly due to the fact that all of their customers are old dirty bastards.

- A man in Montana was eating a bag of potato chips when he almost ate a fried rodent. Within an hour of the report, Chinese KFC fast food restaurants started offering 6 piece real fried rat meat. Mmm, yummy.

- In China, police stopped a suspicious vessel and found 270 crocodiles on board. The police said the crocodiles were all going to be sent to be made into shoes and bags, but we all know the real truth here - "all you can eat crocky meat."

- The Belgium's prime minister who is known for calling Belgium's French speakers stupid, could not remember his own country's anthem on National Day this weekend. He later went on air calling everyone stupid because his version was better. Then he called the Belgium's French speakers stupid again.

- The premier of Ontario is apologizing to a young black man who received an E-Mail from a government worker referring to him as a "ghetto dude" after he applied for a job with the government. When the young man was asked for a comment, he said "yo, I waza 'bout to whoop sum azz in dis muthafucka when I red dat shit."