In The News

Here is what is in the news for today:

- The doctor who dressed up as Captain America, groped a woman, and had a burrito in his pants is now apologizing to the woman for his actions. He said he meant no harm, he just wanted to slap the Nazis out of her ass.

- In New York, a woman is in big trouble after leaving her 4 kids alone in the park while she went in the woods to be photographed nude. First of all, you don't leave your kids to be alone in the park, you leave them in a car. That way they will be safe, everyone knows that.

- Nigerian school children who have been given free laptops from the U.S. for educational purposes are using them to surf for pornographic material. Since when is learning about the female anatomy such a bad thing?

-A couple in India found an old granny thrown in the garbage dump after her daughter and grandsons refused to take care of her. That's just horrible, thank God we live in the U.S.A. Here we don't throw out the old people like that, we just leave them at a cheap nursing home. That way they're happy and with their own kind.

- In Italy, Javelins are going to be kept away from a special event for the senior citizens. Since when was it safe for senior citizens to even have Javelins? That's like giving a gun to a small kid and telling him to go play guns and robbers with the neighbors. "Don't forget the neighbors cat, Johnny."